Balance Between the Wallflower and the Bully

When to speak and when to be silent.

I don't think this is easy for anyone. Most are prone to one extreme or the other. The goal, I believe would be to have wisdom to know when to open your mouth and when to keep your thoughts to yourself. This is something I'm still working on...have definitely seen improvement in my own life but it is still a struggle.

Middle school years for me were pretty silent - externally anyway. Not at home mind you. I knew I was safe there and talked freely. But around others I avoided conflict at all costs. The beginning of high school was much of the same until an incident occurred and I just couldn't keep silent. I had to stand for what I believed to be right and true. This action was bittersweet - it brought personal pain to me but it also ushered in my voice. Of course I went through a time when I didn't care what anyone thought - I was going to say what I was thinking and let the chips fall as they may. Not a lot of wisdom in that. Nonetheless, I was experiencing the extremes and needed to learn how to find balance between the wallflower and the bully.

How do I do it? Personally, I talk to God and find out what's on His heart. Doesn't sound very heroic does it? It isn't. Truth is, it really isn't about me or my voice. Rather, I hope that what I choose to do gives Him glory. If my choices are just about me then I'd suggest the result is more air / noise pollution and nobody needs that.

Our community has had a bunch of issues arise over the last number of months. Some affect me directly - others indirectly. In one case, I knew I was supposed to get involved and there was a positive change. Not for me directly but one that is for the good of our community. The crazy thing is I haven't felt the freedom to speak to an issue that affects me directly. Keep in mind, the issue isn't life threatening...rather it is a matter of conveinience. Nor is my relative silence due to a lack of support for my point of view. It's almost painful for me not to speak but there are so many noisy gongs going off right now that the ears of our decision makers are probably numb.

In the end, the question I always ask is 'what are my boys learning from this?'.

Ultimately, I desire for my actions to speak louder than my words and I pray that my boys would receive both wisdom and discernment to know and live the 'when'.

from Designer Jeans to Designer Genes

Do you remember when designer jeans came out? I was in fourth grade when Sassoon, Jordache and Gloria Vanderbilt's were all the rage. Special stitching on the pockets were a must. I was - or at least I felt like I was - the only girl in my class that did not have a pair and I knew I wasn't going to get a pair either. In my head I knew they were unnecessary. There was nothing about their jeans that meant they were better than mine but for some reason I still longed to know what it was like to wear a pair of those "special" jeans.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think 30 years later I would see the the transition from designer jeans to designer genes.

I preface all of this by saying I love science - specifically biology. I find it fascinating to learn how we work and function. I was passionate about seeing my students catch the fire. It was exhilarating to see them understand how the systems of the body work together, how the organelles of the cell all have specific roles and work together to synthesize and transport a protein. I enjoyed challenging them with what were cutting edge topics back then - the work on the Human Genome Project (which has now been completed) and the potential issues that the completion of this could catalyze in the future. We talked about ethics and science and the role that society plays in the utilization of scientific discoveries. This is where I get frustrated - not with science but with society.

Needless to say, it wasn't surprise that I felt when I read "Special Deliveries: Are designer babies arriving?"

I don't advocate that scientific research be stopped but how do we prevent ourselves from crossing the line? Can we say "no" even when gobs of money is dangled before our eyes and bank accounts? I think the track record for our society hasn't been very good in this area. How can that type of self-control be developed in our society? Is it even possible?

It causes me to think about my classroom - we'd circle the chairs around and discuss these topics. We hypothesized how society could be altered by designer genes into the "haves" and the "have-nots". My hope was to get them thinking about this information now because I knew that they would be the future doctors, politicians, moms, dads, business men and women, decision makers, nurses, etc. All of my former students are over 21 years old now. That's amazing to me. May their generation have a positive impact on our society and not be solely governed by the almighty dollar.

Regarding this topic...have we already passed the turn-back point on this slippery slope?

You can see what others are saying here.

Sounds Like "Stewardship" To Me

I was reading the paper this weekend - yes, I actually made time to sit and allow myself to read. There was obviously a ton of political information - much of which I skimmed not really reading anything new. Then I came across an article written by R. William Ayres in the Review & Opinions section of The Patriot News. Finally I was reading something that made sense. Stuff that I've been thinking about (and talking about to Simms) was actually in print. He just probably said it better.

...Both the liberal and conservative camps share one thing in common: the belief that American's problems should be solved by somebody else. The argument is about who that somebody else should be - government or the market. There is no room in this argument for you or me to solve our own problems.
...If there is a way out of this false and frustrating dilemma, it must begin with a determination by Americans to stop relying on outside forces - government or corporate - to solve their problems for them. The last 20 years have shown us that, by and large, neither one works very well, especially for the things that matter most to us - jobs and the stability of the economy, energy and food policy, health care, education and the environment.

The way out lies in taking back our own lives and our own communities.

If we're concerned about how much gas cost, why do we use so much of it? If we're concerned about the quality and cost of food, why do we eat what we eat and whom do we buy it from?

Our children's education, how companies treat their employees and their customers, how much we pollute the environment around us - these are all things that we are perfectly capable of having an impact on. More important, they are things we can talk about among ourselves without waiting for "leaders" on talk shows to tell us what to think.

...They won't fix our problems - but we can.

I appreciate his promotion of personal responsibility. Holding ourselves accountable for the choices we make on an everyday basis and not blaming others and/or looking for someone else to solve our own problems/issues. I know this still doesn't answer the question of "who do I vote for" but I think it is important to note that regardless of who becomes President, I still have important choices to make which will continue to impact my life as well as those around me.

Glimpse as to Where I'm Walking

I'm pondering again. Not really a new concept to me but different topic. I don't have it all figured out yet but God gave me another piece to the puzzle tonight. I have a very dear friend - her blog is closed now or I'd refer you there. I am so grateful for her. I don't think it is coincidental that the song I listened to on the way to meeting her tonight and then again on the way home was Desperation Band's Pleasing to You (lyrics are below) - given what I'm pondering right now. I cannot even begin to publish what that is at the moment but I am so thankful for a God who cares about the little things and for a friend who walks through stuff with me.


Desperation Band Pleasing to You

Sanctify me
Clean out my closet
Take away anything that is not pleasing to You

Purify me
Destroy all my anger
Wash away everything that is not pleasing to You

I will be white as snow
I will be pure as gold
Jesus my heart must know I'm pleasing to You
I give my life my all
Taking the cross I will follow
Jesus my heart must know I'm pleasing to you

Sanctify me
You are the light to guide me
To the place where I am only pleasing to You

Purify me
I need your light inside me
So the darkness flees and I can be pleasing to you

Critical Thinkers (that's YOU)...on your mark...

In sixth grade I had this teacher - Mr. K. Many students didn't like him but I saw the twinkle in his eye and caught his smile and knew that he really cared about us. One of my coolest memories was when he devoted an entire day to reading. We were allowed to bring in sleeping bags and pillows. I can still picture the classroom and where I set up my sleeping bag and stash of books. We didn't do any other work that day - the only requirement was that we read. I think I could easily say that one day was my favorite day of sixth grade.

Another instrumental teacher in my life was my 11th grade English teacher - Mr. C. We spent 11th grade studying tragedies - reading John Milton's Paradise Lost, Job from the Bible, C. S. Lewis' Perelandra, Shakespear's Othello. We also read Oedipus and Tess of the D'urbervilles. Really depressing material. We also analyzed some U2 songs - With or Without You was one and I'm forgetting the other one right now. Now here is the crazy part - I loathed this class. Even though I loved reading I dreaded every minute of this class time. I always believed that it was because of Mr. C and how he ran the class room. There was always discussion and he would push us - even take the role of the antagonist. I hated it! And yet, now, I see that he definitely played a vital role in teaching me how to think critically and analyze. Most of this learning was taking place inside of me - in my thoughts and ideas. I didn't participate much in class - due to my own insecurities and the unsafe environment that did exist. Regardless of the good that came out of his teaching, he did not create a safe environment. There was definitely a firing squad of students and it hurt when your idea/thought went up in flames. It hurt even more when it seemed that they were affirmed in the process.

It was another English teacher that helped to give me my voice. Her name was Mrs. L. She too pushed us to think critically but also created a safe haven for us to express our thoughts. She would still challenge us in our thinking but you didn't get charred in the process.

Crazy isn't it - my English teachers played such a great role in developing my ability to think critically and analyze!?! Bet you thought my heroes were my science and math teachers. But that's the point. Critical thinking is not synonymous with the sciences. That is a myth. One that I would like to dispel.

I did teach Biology for eight years and yes, there were some units that required memorization but my number one goal was to promote critical thinking. I featured a weekly quote on the board that we would discuss. Students were periodically required to select current news articles and I taught them how to analyze it. I didn't want them to just believe something because it was in print or because it was reported on the news. What evidence did the author provide to support his/her claim? Was it biased or not? My favorite units were those on modern genetics - discussing the Human Genome Project, Genetic Engineering, Gene Therapy, etc. Controversial issues? Sure. But relevant to our lives. Ignoring the topics don't make them go away. Maybe 5% of my students would go into the scientific industry. Maybe more. But ALL of them have the ability to think critically and each one has an opinion that is relevant.

I guess you could say I'm a bit passionate about thinking critically and encouraging others to do so. You may argue that people have different levels at which they analyze - some tiptoe around the edge of over-analysis while others claim that thinking makes their head ache. But I still believe that we all have something relevant to contribute and we each can learn from one another through sharing our various levels of analysis.

This then leads me to the next part of Calling Out the Critical Thinker in You. Right now the plan is to post a quote or excerpt on Friday's. This allows you to think about and ponder the information throughout the weekend. Then write down your thoughts in a post for Monday (or if you don't have a blog you can leave it in Monday's comments) - maybe I'll call it 'Monday's Musings' or something like that (anyone want to create a cool banner or button for me?!?). Responses may vary. Some may agree or disagree and give reasons why. Others may be able to cite times when it was applicable in their life. All of this depends on a variety of variables (topic of excerpt/quote, person's life, type of analysis, etc.) BUT that is the FUN in this!!!

I'm hoping that the 5 of you - and maybe the rest of you hiding in the cracks and crevices will join me in this venture. If there is a bigger response I may have to talk to my Blogging Mentor about using Mr. Linky but I'm not going to put the cart before the horse. Still interested???

Calling the Critical Thinker Out in You

Can Mommy's have sick days?

I kind of took one today - sort of. But what does that look like? It means that laundry is put on hold (there's still dirty laundry added to the pile but a load is not being cleaned today). There are dirty dishes in the sink. The counters haven't been wiped down. No floors are being cleaned or doors wiped down. Toilets? Saving that for another day. I am not working on any special projects. Yes, Barber is being fed but is largely encouraged to play independently - although periodically I have "talked" for one of his characters albeit in a very gruff alto voice.

I was told by Simms this morning to "take it easy" and I took it to heart. I've allowed myself to watch a couple of decorating shows on HGTV and have added a few things to my ever-increasing to-do list...but these won't cost anything except time. I've snuggled with Barber and scratched his back. I even afforded myself time to do some reading. Here's where I'm probably going to lose some of you. I have many books on my to-read list (yup...totally a list gal) so which one did I choose. I was definitely leaning toward Rescued a fictional book with Biblical truths by John Bevere but my gut told me to pick up The Language of God by Francis Collins (thanks to Hot Sauce - Hands-Free Heart's Hubby for letting me borrow it!).

Why would this choice cause me to lose some of you? Hmmm...maybe because it isn't light reading by any one's definition. It deals with the relationship of science and faith; the author discusses his journey from agnosticism to atheism to faith in God without throwing away his love of science and the discoveries that have unfolded in the world of medicine/physics/genetics/etc. I've only read 84 pages (the first three chapters) but I am eating this up! The reading is challenging and stretching. This doesn't mean that I wholeheartedly embrace everything he is saying but I so appreciate and respect critical thinking.

This got me thinking...even if my 7-10 readers wouldn't necessarily join me in reading this book and then discussing it, would you consider venturing with me into using some of your analytical skills on various topics/levels? Leave me a comment regarding this and I'll unfold more later...

TCC's Gone Cerebral...Again

I know there haven't been a lot of 'fun' posts here lately - other than the giveaway. Honestly, I have been feeling...well...very cerebral lately. Not really entertaining to the masses. But this is a very real part of me.

So what have I been thinking and praying about? The church. What's going on in the world. How we are impacting the lives we come in contact with. And this thinking is on many levels - local and global.

I'm not fighting this - because while this thinking is going on I am in regular/constant conversation with God on these topics. I first started this level of conversing with my Father last May and it really hasn't stopped.

Not that you all need to know how my brain works but my boys might be interested...

Like yesterday, when I was at Jeter's school volunteering and one of his classmates decided to throw himself on the floor in an all out temper tantrum because he didn't want to participate in the center. My inner reaction was disgust - not understanding why his parents didn't work with him on self-control at the age of 3. I'm not proud of this - but it was my initial reaction. Then my heart broke for this child. How is he going to learn self control? Who is going to teach him this life skill? Is there something that I can do while I am here? I start crying out to God (silently of course because I am also helping the children with one of their centers) on behalf of this child - who I know is dear to His heart. He created him. So I begin to beseech the Father how I can pray and intercede for this dear boy who when I first walked in the room - greeted me with a hug and a smile.

Or when my cousin - who is holding God off at arms length because he believes that he has done too many horrible things for God to forgive/love him - is told that his newly born daughter has a chromosomal abnormality. There is only one potential physical sign that is vaguely evident. Inside me a battle ensues: science/facts vs. faith - ultimately praying that the plans/purposes that God has for this precious little girl would in no way be scewed or altered. That His will is performed in fullness regarding her life.

My brother Rayda calls me (BTW I love how we are becoming closer and closer even though we are miles apart!) asking for prayer because of a health concern. Again, I find myself on my knees (sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively) praying for my Father to bring forth healing in Rayda's body - and to continue to bless the obedient steps that Rayda and Ruby have taken in their lives!

And while all of this is going on, I can't get out of my head what I believe He has been stirring in my heart (a portion of which I will be sharing at the March MIA meeting). I think it's titled something like Pursuing with Passion. I'm still seeking Him on that. But it has to do with how we go after what God has placed before us. Not just being obedient but our heart in the act of obedience.

To compound this, while watching Batman Begins with Simms this quote is what jumps out to me "People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy..." Did you know that apathy is the antonym (that means opposite) for passion? Yup - I'm even analyzing while watching a movie. Granted the character of Bruce Wayne was referencing his reason for creating Batman. It obviously hit me on a different level. Just don't be surprised if this quote is used in March's MIA meeting.

And as if this wasn't enough, I just learned about a dear annointed friend (whose heart's desire is to go after all that God has and wants to see whatever He has planned next happen) has been royally hurt again...by the church. I don't know the details but I was literally in a state of mourning with questions and tears yesterday. Thankfully I was able to join with my Mom and pray - intercedin for him and his family. I still don't understand and I don't have answers but thankfully I have His peace.

Oh my...I had NO INTENTION of sharing all of this. Honestly, I read a post this morning and was going to copy/paste it as my post today, but I wanted to intro it and then all of the above came out. Even so, I'm still going to paste it below because guess what...I'm thinking and praying about this now too. The post is titled "Why Aren't Your People Inviting Other People to Attend Your Church?"

David Foster writes, "Why do the people attending your church not invite other people to come to the experience? They come. They’re faithful. They give and support, but they don’t invite other people. If people in your church are not inviting people, they are not inviting people on purpose. We think they are intimidated, but they are not. They know very well how to invite people to great stuff. They do it all the time..."

David continues:
You take an average person who goes to a great concert; it’s very easy for that person to invite someone to the next one. He went and had a great experience. He was moved, he was touched, it was a great value, and it was worth the time and the effort. He knows that his friend is going to benefit from it and he’s going to thank him afterward. So he invites him enthusiastically. They make the date, they plan, they spend the money, they anticipate. We’re really good at inviting people to places that we love going and knowing there’s a benefit at the end.

So at the end of the day, maybe what you should be more focused on is helping your people love to come and to understand the benefit that others may have who come after them. Maybe people aren’t inviting people to your church because they aren’t that enthusiastic about it either.

I appreciate what is being said here and think the point is valid. Yet, I wrestle with the role of the church. Is the answer to really bring more people into our church and increase numbers? Is that the measure of success? Or are we supposed to go out and be the church to everyone we meet? Maybe the answer lies somewhere between the two or is a combination of the two? Right now this is what my brain is wrestling with. Trust me I will be pondering this - as well as all of the other stuff I mentioned above. Talking to God about it. Praying that He show me what my role is - today and then again tomorrow.

And amidst all of this, I am going to try to do our banking, bills, errand running, wash the dishes (our dishwasher broke!) and some laundry. Oh yes, and play with my precious Barber!

A Different Look At WWJD?

I just read this and became sick to my stomach.

When is the church going to truly represent our Saviour? How can protesting someone's funeral be a demonstration of the love of God? No, I didn't see the movie and I don't agree with it morally but I have yet to find a passage in the Bible that supports this form of action. We are not here to judge. He is the only Judge.

I cannot help but wonder what Jesus would do if he was here. How would Jesus act towards the family if he attended the funeral? I believe He would show compassion and love for the family of the deceased. I believe He would comfort the broken-hearted. Finally, I believe that this is possible to do without compromising your beliefs; the acts of compassion, love and providing comfort does not equal compromise.

What is going on?!?

When are we going to stop learning about what the church is about and actually take action that truly represents the LOVE of our God? We are saved by grace - His grace. Grace that is freely offered to EVERYONE. There is no test that determines whether you are eligible for His grace. It is free for everyone.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. KJV+

As a mom, I desire my sons Jeter and Barber to experience the love of Jesus and then allow it to overflow to others. I don't want them to have a fear of man and I don't want their actions to evoke fear in others. I desire for them to follow after God with their whole hearts - and truly emulate who He is...be a light in the darkness. For that to be possible, then I need to be an example of these things to them. Right now, aside from this, all I can do is pray and trust God.

Peace

I finished reading Ezra today. This verse jumped out at me.

So we fasted and prayed about these concerns.

And he listened. ~Ezra 8:23 The Message

Words cannot describe what it means to know that He is aware of all of my concerns and that He listens.

How Is Your Hearing?

"Knowing God's Voice" - that was the topic of this past Sunday's message. It was timely. I wanted to highlight two statements that were powerful:

Pastor ____ is not here to hear what God is saying to you!

and

Life here is merely a springboard into eternity.

The purpose was to remind/inform/encourage us that we are 100% capable of hearing from God - we just need to do it. It is our own responsibility and we need to stop relying on others to do it for us. Did everyone like the message? I don't know. If they didn't appreciate it, I would suggest it is because they still want milk even though they are ready to handle the tender meat.

Taking a Break from the Pile of Laundry

I recently received a book titled "Hugs, Daily Inspirations for Moms". So I read today's entry and wanted to post my thoughts.

When People Are Difficult

Stay away from a foolish man; you will gain no knowledge from his speech. ~Proverbs 14:7

Sometimes people can be discourteous and cruel. Sometimes people can be unfair, unkind, and unappreciative. Sometimes people get angry and frustrated. So what's a woman to do when she's confronted with difficult people? God's answer is straightforward: forgive, forget, and move on. In Luke 6:37 Jesus said, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (HCSB).

Today and every day, Mom, do your best to be quick to forgive others for their shortcomings. And when other people misbehave (as they will from time to time), don't pay too much attention. Just forgive those people as quickly as you can and try to move on...as quickly as you can.

While I think there is some good stuff in here, I cannot help but dig a little deeper in my analysis. Do you notice how this isn't really easing any of life's burdens? Rather it is heaping more on my shoulders because it is telling me to do this to the best of my ability. Quite frankly, on my own it is easier to be offended, condemn and judge than to forgive. I am disappointed that this devotional hasn't directed the reader to the source that makes this possible...Jesus! It is only because of Him that I can forgive. On another note, it concerns me that they suggest to just move on. I am not saying this is the author's intent but it comes across to me as apathetic; suggesting that by disconnecting, life will be easier and simpler. I am not okay with this. Jesus did not disconnect. He didn't just move on. He got involved. He got his hands dirty. He cared and loved those that hurt him. I don't interpret that as moving on. So, how do I handle difficult people? I cry out to the Father. I lay it at the foot of the cross. I devour His Word. I ask Him to help me to forgive. And I take action when He tells me to. All the while my eyes are focused on Him.

I also want to share something that has helped me regarding these issues. He chooses to forgive. His nature is to convict rather than condemn. He is The Judge. So who am I to think that I have the right to hold onto unforgiveness and by what authority would I condemn or judge?

Finally, as if this wasn't enough, I want to share a song with you. It is Cornerstone by Day of Fire.



All of the ground is sinking sand
A doubting maze of desert land
Where darkness rules the heart of man
Til’ the sun shines light on him

Lord of all, Show you’re strong
All my needs they fall

Be a cornerstone
Be a cornerstone
Be a rock, higher than I
Be my fortress wall
Be a foundation for all, my cornerstone

The building’s swaying in the wind
The towers crumble down again
This certainly will be the end
Of them not built on him

You, You are the builder of my heart
You held me together from the start

I Just Couldn't Keep This To Myself...

Below you will be actually reading a post by Perry Noble. There are so many times that I have personally been challenged by his writing. This was too good to keep to myself...

What Would You Be Willing To Attempt For God If You Knew You Could Not Fail?from Perry Noble dot com by perry

That question changed my life!

On August 10, 1999 I was having lunch with a mentor at Red Lobster and discussing with him that I really felt God was stirring me to do something; however, I THOUGHT of an option or two and informed my buddy of my incredibly safe plans.

He looked at me as I was eating a cheese biscuit and asked, “What would you be willing to attempt for God if you knew you could not fail?”

Without hesitation I answered, “I would start a church!”

He replied, “You are a coward if you don’t!”

That one minute dialog ruined my lunch; seriously, I couldn’t eat any more cheese biscuits! I knew he was right. I knew that God had told me in 1996 that I was going to start a church one day; however, I kept making excuses as to why I would not do it–the first being that I was too young and the second being that I was “praying about it.”

(Christians OFTEN use prayer as an excuse for inactivity–I know I did…and it sounded so spiritual!!!)

Within a month of that conversation I was meeting with a core group of people who were wanting to do more than just go to church on Sunday…WE WANTED TO CHANGE THE WORLD! (AND STILL DO!!!)

God has done more in the past seven and a half years that I could have ever imagined…and, as I always say, I really feel that our best days are ahead of us…as long as we continue to be obedient and NEVER fall into “safe mode,” being afraid to take risks because we feel like we actually have something to lose!

I had thought for the longest time that I was waiting on God–when in actuality God had been waiting on me…

MAYBE you are experiencing the same thing!

Let me ask YOU this question, “What would YOU be willing to attempt for God if you KNEW you could not fail?” Seriously–STOP right now and answer it!

First let me say that there are some reading this who have no idea what the answer to this question would be. My challenge for you is to take some time and figure it out–to wrestle it to the ground–seek the Lord on this one because Ephesians 2:10 tells us that He created us to do something GREAT for Him.

However, there are MANY reading this right now that know exactly what you would do…you just lack the courage to take a dive of faith. You say you are waiting on God…when, in actuality God is waiting on you! You say you are praying about it…but you really aren’t because every time you do God prompts you to take action–BUT because you don’t have all your questions answered you are SCARED and refuse to move.

When we began NewSpring it was a HUGE risk for me. People ask me, “Were you scared?” HECK YES! I quit a job that was providing me with this stuff called MONEY, which is pretty much essential…oh yeah, the job I was in also provided my health insurance as well. AND…I was getting married in eight months and had NO INCOME.

BUT…I knew that God had stirred my heart to do this and I could not deny His prompting any longer. (By the way…the day after I made this decision a friend came to see me and gave me a check for $800, telling me the Lord had prompted him to do so…I told him that he needed to continue to listen for additional promptings!!!) GOD PROVIDES!!!

What is it? What is “that thing” that you just can’t shake…you are consumed with it…and you want to try it SO BAD but you are SO AFRAID of failure? Keep in mind that II Timothy 1:7 says God has not given us a spirit of fear!!!

Maybe you KNOW the Lord has called you to start a business!
Maybe you KNOW the Lord has called you to take a risk and try something new in your existing ministry!
Maybe you KNOW the Lord wants you to ask her out! (By the way dude…sending a text message or an e-mail to ask a girl out on a date is LAME…and you are a loser for doing so! BE A MAN!)
Maybe you KNOW the Lord wants you to put Him first in your finances!
Maybe you KNOW the Lord wants you to change your major!
Maybe you KNOW the Lord wants you to stay at home with the kids!
Maybe you KNOW the Lord wants you to turn down that promotion–EVEN though it means more money!
Church planter, maybe you KNOW you are supposed to hire that staff member OR buy that building!

What would you be willing to attempt for God if you knew you could not fail?

One more thing–the reason some people won’t move is because they don’t feel like it makes sense OR that they don’t have all their questions answered!

UH…when has God ever asked anyone to do anything that really made sense? AND when did He ever answer every question that a person had? That’s why doing what the Lord prompts us to do is called FAITH!!!
Take some time today and wrestle with this–God has called YOU to do great things!!!

Where Is Your Hope?

God is...well, God. No matter what we are going through. No matter what comes our way. He is still God.

Not very profound and yet, when we walk through tough stuff this truth can be forgotten - sort of. Or minimized. Do our mortal minds truly grasp what this means...who God is?!?

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I know I can become overwhelmed by circumstances, responsibilities, schedules, keeping the home clean, laundry done, dishes washed, etc. And when my head is swirling in a tizzy the only thing that will really help is to regroup, refocus and move forward. But how exactly is that done? All I can tell you is what worked for me. Worship first and foremost. This helps me refocus. Yesterday my spirit was doing this for awhile before I realized it. So how do I regroup and move forward? By placing my hope in Him. Why? Because He is God.

Hope was the focus of today's message. Pastor also identified things that keep us from hoping. Fear was one - which essentially is saying that we don't believe that God is God. False humility was another. This happens when we believe that God can work on someone else's behalf but not our own. There are more but I left my notes in the car and if I go out there now the dog will start barking and potentially awake the family. I don't want that to happen. Regardless, the point is, Simms and I needed this. Not that I was doubting the sovereignty of God or the fact that I am His child but life is sometimes...well, not easy.

One cool part of the message is when Pastor began with a scripture from II Kings. Remember my thoughts here? That is the exact thing that he discussed today.

Final result? My hope was renewed. Circumstances haven't really changed but I know that He will help me with all the "stuff" on my plate right now. I know He hears my prayers and I know that I will be able to one day testify regarding Simms healing (I soooooooooooo look forward to this!). I know that no matter what we walk through individually or as a family, He will be with us. My hope is in Him and I desire to shoot every single arrow I've got.

Prepare Yourself For Some Heavy Thinking

I haven't even finished (or started) all of the books on my nightstand but I just found out about a book that sounds very interesting to me. It is called Reveal and the review I read which peaked my interest was written by Tim Stevens here. I found the link through Perry Noble's post here. I'm probably interested because I have been pondering this very subject - what exactly are the church's responsibilities to believers? Have Christians become overly dependent on the church for their own personal growth or for nurturing spiritual growth in their children? It is very easy to blame someone or something else when your life is lacking (the blame game has become way too common in my view), but when will we take personal responsibility? Hopefully before we are required to do so at our judgement.

Ok...heavy enough for you on a Monday morning?

I have been reading Perry Noble for a few months now. I think I am going to have to pay attention to Tim Stevens too - even when it is first thing on a Monday morning.

Mourning the Kings

So I have finished 2 Kings and here are some of my thoughts in no specific order...

• Hezekiah seemed to have a heart after God but he also did some foolish things - for example touring men from Babylon, showing them everything because they brought him a get-well gift. He seemed to lack discernment. Obviously passion (even for the things of God) without wisdom / discernment can get you in a lot of trouble. It was after the above example that God told of Babylon's takeover.
• Josiah was a wonderful king! Finally! He had a heart after God and took action - repenting of the evil choices his ancestors made, destroying all idols - those in Jerusalem and in the surrounding area. He was very busy cleansing the land of idolatry.
• Why then did Josiah's son not follow after God? How come his passionate heart towards God and obedient nature stopped with him?
• I am horrified by the parallels that I see in the world today...For example 2 Kings 17:41 talks about how the people were putting on a front of worshipping God but were in fact, at the same time, involved with their local idols.

  What percent of us say we are Christians and what percent of that percent actually live life following Christ?

Recently On Fire asked how you would want to be remembered. I really didn't know how to answer this question. I still don't know exactly. This is what I do know - I want to live my life for Jesus. I don't just want to have the label of Christian. I want to have a positive impact on those around me. I desire for my boys to go further in the things of the Lord than I have. I don't want to stray to the right or to the left - and that is what I desire for the generations that follow me. And, in all of this I want to be real - never putting on a front.

The 'Kings' are Challenging Me

I have been reading in II Kings for awhile (just updated the sidebar though). It isn't the most exciting read - mainly because of the awful cycle they are on. There is a new king who typically continues to walk a sinful path and then dies only to have the cycle repeated with the new king (I'm up to chapter 15). There are wars and oppression against Israel. It's almost depressing. Even the kings that are noted for actions that are pleasing to God. They still fall short. Either they fall again into the sins of their fathers or they neglect to fully destroy the representations of idolatry throughout the land (shrines, calfs, etc.)

Chapter 13 documents a meeting between Jehoash, king of Israel, and Elisha. Elisha tells his to shoot an arrow. He does. Elisha declares that it represents the arrow of God's salvation meaning that Israel will be delivered from Aram (who was oppressing them at the time). Then Elisha tells Jehoash to pick up the rest of the arrows and strike the ground with them. So he does it 3 times. Elisha then sort of rebukes him asking why he only did it 3 times. Why not 5 or 6? He then states that Jehoash will defeat Aram only 3 times.

There are times when in battle, it's noted that God showed Israel mercy and didn't allow them to be wiped out because of His covenant with Abraham. Another time, a king prayed for God to give them relief and He did. The king didn't change his lifestyle of sin but for a moment, God responded to his heart cry.

Anyway, amidst my thoughts of judgement against these kings this question haunts me "How are we different?" Really. When God instructs me in something, do I give 100% or do I hold back? Is everything that is ungodly in my life destroyed and demolished or is it still standing, negatively influencing the next generation? When I hold back, why do I do that?!? He obviously blesses obedience - even small amounts. Imagine if I can walk in the fullness of what He desires for me? My mind is not fully wrapped around this but my heart is yearning for complete understanding. I am not perfect, nor am I expecting myself to be but I want to shoot every single arrow I have into the ground. I don't want to hold back...ever.

Finding The Words...

Do you ever feel in awe of what God has done and/or is doing but struggle to find the words to fully express this...yet have the strong need/desire to do so?

That's where I am at right now.

God is definitely moving in our lives and I feel like He is calling me to the mat to share in a little more detail what I/we have been walking through. Maybe I have been inspired by oH mY wORD, Krazy Klingers and Promises Fulfilled. Maybe it is just His timing. Whatever the case may be...it's time.

If you have been reading for awhile, maybe you remember back in May when I talked about what's on my heart, my cry, and living a balanced life. Prior to these posts, I had been asked to consider stepping in to lead the Moms In Action ministry at our church, starting this fall. My initial reaction was "no!". Picture a two year old throwing a temper tantrum. That was where I was in my flesh. Not a pretty picture I know. However my spirit desired to seek His will inspite of myself. I don't even know if my words can truly capture the battle that was raging inside of me over a period of 4 short days. They felt like the longest 4 days of my life. I would challenge God with my shortcomings and He would counter with a word from someone or scripture or simply download to me the answer that I declared I didn't have. The end result? I knew that if I didn't say "yes!" I would be walking in disobedience. Therefore, even though I may have asked 'you want me to do what?' I know that God is my confidence and therefore I do feel like swimming.

So...what has He been asking of you? Are you feeling stretched? Is there an inner tug-o-war going on? Are you kicking and screaming? Are you willing to say 'yes' anyway and take the plunge?

Let me encourage you with some lyrics that help to summarize this for me:
Casting Crowns Voice of Truth

...to step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hand...

and Jeremy Camps My Desire

This is my desire...to be used by you

My Noisy Quiet Time

This week Barber and Jeter have both fought off a mysterious virus. I call it 'mysterious' because there weren't any symptoms except a fever. Most moms and dads know that the presence of a fever means the body is fighting off something - probably a virus. So we limited their activity and had them rest. This allowed their immune system to do its job and voila - normal temps within 1-1/2 days!

Now I don't actively try to spiritualize everything (overanalyze...maybe...) but this morning when I was thanking God for their quick resolve to health my head couldn't help but wonder what the virus was and hypothetically try to figure it out. This is me actively overanalyzing. When I 'heard' the question 'Why are you doing this?' To which I replied 'Because I want to know.' Then He countered 'Why? Do you really need to know?' This is what got me thinking.

No, I don't really need to know but it would be nice. Then my mind wandered to times in my life where things have happened (to me, friends, family, etc.) that I didn't understand. It didn't make sense. And even though the 'why' seemed to be unknown there was still a struggle going on...

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

That is the answer. The rest that is needed. Even when I cannot pinpoint the cause. He will take care of it...just like their immune systems did.

And all of that (analysis, conversation, and conclusion) happened while I was putting in my contacts, blow drying my hair, and brushing my teeth. Not necessarily in that order. Yes, sometimes that is my 'quiet' time.

I'm On It

Recently (meaning just this past week) there have been a few times when I have made a request of Jeter and he has responded quickly with "I'm on it!" I cannot help but smile. I am so proud of him and his level of maturity. (This doesn't mean that this is how he always responds but it is becoming more common than not.) Barber - at 3 - is a stark contrast to this. With him, when a request is made the result is usually a charmed smile followed by hesitant movement that may or may not fulfill the request. I then remind Barber of my level of seriousness and his need to be obedient as well as the consequences of disobedience. Sometimes that is all he needs and he complies. Other times he still displays hesitancy. I don't give up though because I know that my consistency will pay off and someday I will hear him say "I'm on it mom!"

It seems to me that my life is often under scrutiny - by me. My heart's desire is to be used by Him; to fulfill the plan and purpose that He has for my life and give Him glory in the process. I wonder how often I resemble Barber or Jeter...

Our Pastor has been talking the last two weeks about 'Living Under an Open Heaven'. Why? What would motivate me to desire this? It is described in Revelation 4:1-2. But how does that apply to me? Now? Pastor Dave stated that "...in an open heaven, we are invited to experience uninterrupted interaction with God's presence no matter where we go." THAT would be awesome? So how is this accomplished? How can I RSVP "yes!" to this invitation?

Lots of questions. I feel like my 3 year old right now.

At this point, we (our congregation) have been informed of 4 keys that are ours to use:

1. Remember - to remember who He is and what He has done.
2. Risk - to have ears that hear the Word and then do it.
3. Stay Hungry - to seek (to desire, pursue with abandon)
4. Embrace Change - note that repentance (surrendering to change) opens Heaven and obedience keeps it open

Previously I have talked about change and how I like it...even embrace it. However, I admit, I like it best when I am in control of the change. Currently, I see how the hand of God is making some moves and changes around me and my family - some directly affect us, others indirectly. Some I am okay with while I hold reservations with others. But they are still happening. So now I have a choice. It isn't easy but my heart has been following these keys. I am remembering the things that God has done - this is definitely a faith builder. I am reminding myself that when I am walking in obedience to Him there is no risk. I am reminded of the promised results of seeking and therefore I want to be in pursuit; I want to desire the things of the Lord with a hunger. Finally I want to walk in immediate obedience, embracing the change. Just like I am attempting to teach my boys...I need to obey HIM the first time. So right now I am trying to respond with a quick "I'm on it!"

So...amidst the change my desire hasn't altered. My heart longs to be used by Him. If you have four minutes, listen to Jeremy Camp's song while sipping your coffee or tea (but hit pause in the sidebar first). What does your heart desire?

Living a 'Balanced' Life

"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God." Proverbs 31:30 The Message

Warning...this is long. I have been reading John Bevere's book, Driven by Eternity (click on sidebar if interested). It is definitely going to need a second read. I am not even going to pretend to sum up the book right now. There are so many nuggets and meals of TRUTH in it. However, there is one theme that has been continually surfacing - not just in this book but also in what I have been reading in God's Word.

To live life knowing God as both our Loving Father and Judge.

OK...now this is totally not a 'spiritual' analogy but humor me if you will. Baking. Now you may or may not know but I love to bake. I am very good with cookies, brownies, and even cakes (but that is really in the decorating). I am still learning with other, more delicate recipes. Just because the ingredients are in there doesn't mean the product will be what you're expecting. There are a number of variables that play an important role in that product - the correct proportion of ingredients, the freshness of the ingredients, timing, temperature, etc.

How does this relate? There are a lot of variables that can influence my life. These are typically referred to as circumstances. However, different from baking, if my heart is in the 'right place' then I have a greater chance of fulfilling His call for me. This doesn't mean everything will be 'easy'. Definitely not according to the world's standards. BUT considering the alternative (judgement of disobedience) it is ultimately the far easier path to walk.

Consider David. He is anointed to be King of Israel but doesn't actually take that position for more than a decade, often fleeing and fearing for his life. And then, he is only King over Judah for 7-1/2 years before he is finally able to rule over all of Israel. Granted he makes mistakes - the affair and murder - but his heart is continually referred to as pleasing to God. Why? I think an example is when Samuel calls him to the mat he immediately repents. He knew the love and judgement of God. (You can read about this in I and II Samuel)

Now look at Solomon. He is credited for building the Temple of God. He is famous for the wisdom that God blessed him with. He definitely knew and experienced the Love of God. However, I would contend that he did not fully comprehend or respect the judgement of God. I am not a scholar of the scripture but here are some observations that I have made:

1. Solomon considered himself to be pretty important - maybe too important. Did you know that he took 7 years to finish the Temple of God. Nothing was spared. There were fine jewels and metals used. Gold was used all over. Designs were carved and engraved. It sounds fabulous. Information regarding the building of the temple is found in I Kings 5-6. Then I read chapter 7. It is about the process through which Solomon built his own palace. Now, I know he is king and that is important but he still isn't THE KING. It seemed that he applied the same lavish details if not more on the building of his palace. It took him 13 years to build his palace. And the palace is larger than the temple. Now, we know that God is not limited in who He is by any building, but I believe this is telling of Solomon's heart. I also couldn't help myself in noticing the number of years...7 (spiritual perfection) to build the Temple of God and 13 (rebellion) to build his own palace.

2. Solomon did not have the fear of God in his heart. Even with all his earthly wisdom, he seemed to lack a true understanding of God as Judge. I am sure that he heard stories of what happened to those who sinned against God and when he dedicated the Temple in I Kings 8, he prayed with seeming understanding but his actions do not demonstrate a heart that yearns after the heart of God. He takes many wives from foreign cultures (I don't believe that God was against other people groups but rather warned against an integration of an unholy belief system) and begins to erect shrines to their gods!!! This is after God speaks to him and warns him in chapter 9 of I Kings!!! He in no uncertain terms tells Solomon that if he obeys God as his father David did then God's blessing will be upon him. However, God warns him that if he should disobey and worship other gods then Israel will be cut off. Read below.

I Kings 9:4-9 The Message
As for you, if you live in my presence as your father David lived, pure in heart and action, living the life I've set out for you, attentively obedient to my guidance and judgments, then I'll back your kingly rule over Israel, make it a sure thing on a solid foundation. The same guarantee I gave David your father I'm giving you: 'You can count on always having a descendant on Israel's throne.' "But if you or your sons betray me, ignoring my guidance and judgments, taking up with alien gods by serving and worshiping them, then the guarantee is off: I'll wipe Israel right off the map and repudiate this Temple I've just sanctified to honor my Name. And Israel will become nothing but a bad joke among the peoples of the world. And this Temple, splendid as it now is, will become an object of contempt; visitors will shake their heads, saying, 'Whatever happened here? What's the story behind these ruins?' Then they'll be told, 'The people who used to live here betrayed their GOD, the very God who rescued their ancestors from Egypt; they took up with alien gods, worshiping and serving them. That's what's behind this GOD-visited devastation.'"

Hello?!?!?!? I think this is pretty clear. But Solomon is unfaithful and betrays God. And even when he is confronted with his sin - by God. He (God) talks to Solomon directly. Solomon still doesn't repent.

I Kings 11:11-13 The Message
GOD said to Solomon, "Since this is the way it is with you, that you have no intention of keeping faith with me and doing what I have commanded, I'm going to rip the kingdom from you and hand it over to someone else. But out of respect for your father David I won't do it in your lifetime. It's your son who will pay--I'll rip it right out of his grasp. Even then I won't take it all; I'll leave him one tribe in honor of my servant David and out of respect for my chosen city Jerusalem."

I cannot help but self-examine my heart. What are the motives behind what I do? Why have I made various decisions? How do my words and actions impact my life...eternally? Am I functioning daily with a balanced knowledge of God's love and judgement? I desperately want to have a pure heart before God. I desire for God to be pleased with me as He was with David. I want to guard my heart against the temptations that caused Solomon to sin. I want my faith to result in action that glorifies the ONE my heart loves and fears. I want to be the woman that lives in the 'fear of God' (Proverbs 31:30).

So...this is what has been mulling in my head for a while. There's more but this is it for now. I will eventually post about the fun field trip I had with Jeter's class yesterday but this was much more pressing today.