Balance Between the Wallflower and the Bully

When to speak and when to be silent.

I don't think this is easy for anyone. Most are prone to one extreme or the other. The goal, I believe would be to have wisdom to know when to open your mouth and when to keep your thoughts to yourself. This is something I'm still working on...have definitely seen improvement in my own life but it is still a struggle.

Middle school years for me were pretty silent - externally anyway. Not at home mind you. I knew I was safe there and talked freely. But around others I avoided conflict at all costs. The beginning of high school was much of the same until an incident occurred and I just couldn't keep silent. I had to stand for what I believed to be right and true. This action was bittersweet - it brought personal pain to me but it also ushered in my voice. Of course I went through a time when I didn't care what anyone thought - I was going to say what I was thinking and let the chips fall as they may. Not a lot of wisdom in that. Nonetheless, I was experiencing the extremes and needed to learn how to find balance between the wallflower and the bully.

How do I do it? Personally, I talk to God and find out what's on His heart. Doesn't sound very heroic does it? It isn't. Truth is, it really isn't about me or my voice. Rather, I hope that what I choose to do gives Him glory. If my choices are just about me then I'd suggest the result is more air / noise pollution and nobody needs that.

Our community has had a bunch of issues arise over the last number of months. Some affect me directly - others indirectly. In one case, I knew I was supposed to get involved and there was a positive change. Not for me directly but one that is for the good of our community. The crazy thing is I haven't felt the freedom to speak to an issue that affects me directly. Keep in mind, the issue isn't life threatening...rather it is a matter of conveinience. Nor is my relative silence due to a lack of support for my point of view. It's almost painful for me not to speak but there are so many noisy gongs going off right now that the ears of our decision makers are probably numb.

In the end, the question I always ask is 'what are my boys learning from this?'.

Ultimately, I desire for my actions to speak louder than my words and I pray that my boys would receive both wisdom and discernment to know and live the 'when'.