Big Picture

Simms and I are good at this. To us sacrificing now so that we can have more enjoyment later is worth it. We do this with our finances (save now for retirement) and we apply this to family as well.

It started when we first brought G into our lives - a Shepherd mix. We knew that although she was small and cuddly as a puppy - she would grow very quickly into a larger dog. What we did with her as a puppy would determine life with her later. Would it be cute to have a puppy asleep in your lap - yes. But would we want a 50+ pound dog climbing into our laps when we sat down on the floor - no! So, she didn't sleep in our laps as a puppy either. It wasn't fun always bringing her to the back right corner of the yard on the leash every couple of hours and standing there for what would feel like another hour waiting for her to do her business only to go back there again in what seemed to be a very short period of time. It definitely would have been much easier to just open the door and let her go wherever, whenever. But NOW, we can just open the door to let her out and when she has to go she runs to the back corner - it has been that way for over 7 years now. We don't have to be concerned about finding poop in the middle of the lawn or on the bottom of our shoes because it is only in the back corner region of the yard (behind landscaping too!). Simms still needs to clean it up periodically but that job is much easier too. So, you get the point, sacrifice in the short term (definitely not fun while going through it) and get the reward in the long term.

We applied this to how we parent Jeter and Barber as well. We used concepts and techniques discussed in Babywise and The Baby Whisperer when they were infants. Establishing sleeping patterns and essentially providing them with peace - they knew that Mommy and Daddy were going to meet their needs (which at that age means food, keeping their but dry and rash-free, playing with them but being careful not to do too much b/c we didn't want to overstimulate, and making sure that they are getting the sleep that they need). Along with the basics, we decided that we would not allow them to watch TV for the first year of their lives (is that a gasp I just heard?). This decision was based on the fact that TV is very fast paced, lots of lighting changes, etc. Plus, we believed (and this notion has been supported by various research - but I will note that the results aren't conclusively cause-effect) that no TV time allowed for more Mommy/Daddy time which was spent doing educational things or just talking. Our view was that we would build educational skills, relational/social skills and the ability to focus. Is this easy to do? Not easier than plopping them in front of a video so that I can get something done in the house - that's for sure. But I believe it was worth it. Yes, the boys do watch TV now and there have been days that I have allowed them to watch more than normal b/c I had to get a ton done that day BUT I believe that sacrifice (for us) was worth it. Sidenote on TV: now that they are allowed to watch certain programs I will say that PBS is wonderful for having NO COMMERCIALS. The only thing they watch on "regular" TV is sports which is fine but we are constantly changing the channel during the commercials!!!

This "big picture" view is also what we apply to discipline. I felt like I was always saying "no" during the exploring phase - but it was worth it with both boys. The age of 2 had been fun with Jeter and is currently fun with Barber - while they learn(ed) new levels of independence it has been easier to remind them of the boundaries and a joy to see each of them choose to walk in obedience at that age. Granted reinforcement has been needed since then and we (Simms and I) would have moments of (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) but overall it seemed that the payback was still worth it.

Then came the age of 5...the independence of full day Kindergarten...the returning player of soccer...

May God give us wisdom regarding the "Big Picture" for Jeter during this new phase of his life!