No Looking Back

Mixed emotions. Meaning what? The reality is that our little boys are growing up. No surprise really. That is the point--they are supposed to grow up. If they didn't then something would be wrong. And when they grow up in small doses it doesn't seem to phase us. However over the last 2 weeks the frequency of small doses has increased leaving us with a very large dose. The result? Mixed emotions.

• Barber has now officially been in a big boy bed for one entire week--with success! He only got out a couple of times the first two days and we dealt with that immediately and consistently. Now he enjoys his bed and stays in it without any problems. Just like Jeter did, he won't even get out in the morning by himself. Still calls for us!
• This past Saturday, Jeter had his first t-ball game of the season. He looks taller. He hits the ball further. Line drives, not pop-ups. He is more assertive in the field--compared with last year. He is going after the ball, getting it and throwing it with decent accuracy to his teammate!
• Jeter's appetite has been steadily increasing but this past week there has been a radical spike (if we were graphing). I reason that this increase is proportional with his increase in activity (t-ball, swimming, etc.) but it also just means he is growing up. This past Saturday he had a bagel for breakfast (fresh from NJ...yum!) and then we went for the t-ball opening day festivities and his game. After the game he ate a hot dog "with the bun for the first time ever, Mom!" Up till now, he really hasn't been a big fan of bread. He also drank a hug which he describes as "water with sugar and food coloring". Hmmm...can't for the life of me think of where he gets that from! LOL. Then we went home for lunch. I gave him a plate full of chicken, crackers and grapes. He wanted pb&j like Barber so I gave him 1/4 of that sandwich. He ate all of it! ALL. OF. IT. And at dinner time he ate 2-1/2 slices of pizza! He normally eats one. This could also be a growth spurt. Regardless, it is a sign of maturity.
• This same Saturday (I wasn't kidding when I said we got a whole bunch of small doses all at once) when Jeter ate his yummy, delicious NJ bagel, he exclaimed "ouch!" LOOSE TOOTH! His first. He is so excited! Simms and I exchange glances like "is this really happening already?!?
• Then on Sunday we got them ready for church and both Barber and Jeter looked taller, older, more mature. Could it have just been the clothes and the way we styled their hair? They still both have those pinchable cheeks...but the ratio of cheek to face has changed.

Simms has told them that he is going to talk to God and come to an agreement that Barber will stay 3 and Jeter will stay almost 6. He is kidding of course--and they know it. He seems to be struggling with this change a little more than myself. I look at this with awe...noting to self (once again) that I need to treasure each moment because it doesn't last forever. Then my next thought is laced with excitement--my boys are taking their next step in what they have been created and called to do!!! They are not truly MINE; I carried them for 9--no 10 months. Got the stretch marks to prove it. I made sure that I ate the right things and eliminated the wrong things. But, when it all comes down to it, I know in my heart of hearts that they are a miraculous gift. Their true Creator has a perfect plan for their life and I am simply blessed to be a vital part of that plan.

Then when I am "ok" with their steps of maturity, I am reminded that they are not all grown up and ready to leave our home...yet.

• Last night Jeter told me that I am the only one that is allowed to cut his nails. He then said I will be the only one allowed to cut his children's nails. I suggested that their mommy will probably do an excellent job herself. He then took back that comment reminding me that he is never going to have children because he is never going to get married.
• Barber chose to snuggle in my lap while Jeter and Daddy played yesterday. He said he just wanted to be with Mommy. The next moment he was jumping on Daddy too but for that brief span of time he still needed his Mommy.

They still have a lot of growing up to do. I will continue to be the Mommy that I have been called and created to be (and Simms the Daddy). I will cherish the moments we have now and rejoice in the strides they take in life. I will have sweet memories of their childhood but will not long for it to return. As my eyes are fixed on Him I cannot look back, only forward.