Reflection

Where to begin? As 2008 is drawing to a close (in 13 more days) and many prepare to join with their families and celebrate, I've been reflecting. Typically I have enjoyed this time - it has provided an opportunity for me to give thanks for what God has done in my life and in my family. I've been able to see how we've grown, matured, etc.

This year was different. My time of reflection has been a struggle. Picture if you will a woman who has been running - it's been storming outside so her appearance is disheveled, hair wet and stuck to her face, clothes clinging to her, dirty from the times she has probably stumbled in the road. Tired. Hungry. Weary. Energy is lacking and to onlookers she appears confused but she continues - even though it seems that her journey has already been more than she can endure. Pictorially this is how I feel.

This has been a tough year for my corner. In my reflection, I see battle wounds. Some have scarred over and others are still in the process of healing. During times of battle there is often a climax, a turning point. This week has been that for me. I've thought I am so ready to close the door on 2008. Please let this end. Let this wretched year be over. Make it stop. I feel weak. Exhausted. Done. But then at this very juncture - something inside won't let me stop. Although it seems like thousands of voices cry for surrender, there is this One voice that urges me on. As I attempt to object my mind remembers a Sunday service where our pastor was talking about the battle being the most difficult before breakthrough. The mere thought of breakthrough turns me into a puddle of tears. I continue to hear the voice, urging me to fight. Stand firm. But I'm so weak, I counter. And yet, somehow, I feel a little bit stronger and the voice grows in volume still urging me to stand firm.

Empty. Broken. Battered. Bruised. Tired. Weak. Weary.

I stand.