How do I even begin? Previously, I've mentioned that Simms has been dealing with physical pain that is chronic but didn't get too specific. I wanted to show respect for his privacy. I have since received clearance for the purpose of documenting this journey we've been on (which continues to today) and giving glory to God in each and every step.
I will never forget the day that I came home from work to our one bedroom apartment. I couldn't find Simms although his car was parked outside - it was only a one bedroom apartment - where could he possibly be? I then heard him calling from the bathroom telling me to "come here but don't freak out". Not exactly reassuring. He was sitting in a tub of freezing water. Why? Because he had a temperature of almost 105 earlier!!! I tried to remain calm but I was seriously freaking out on the inside. What was wrong with my husband? We got him to the doctor's and he was diagnosed with prostatitis. Over the next three years, he was diagnosed with this same condition 3-4 times. We then decided it was a good idea for him to see a urologist because that is just not normal. His first experience was - let's just say the urologist severely underestimated the "pinch of pain" he predicted Simms was going to experience. This is when we first learned that Simms had a urethral stricture.
What is a urethral stricture? It's basically a blockage of the urethra and you can read more about it here and here. Although quite uncommon, we've determined that Simms condition is congenital in nature - meaning he has had this his entire life and he thought it was normal to experience some pain when voiding. This just breaks my heart.
His first surgery was completed in 1999 with a lasting effect of 2 weeks. Quite discouraging. He commented that he would have preferred to have never known "normal" because that made it worse to go back to his prior experience of "normal". The phrase ignorance is bliss comes to mind. I had no idea what he was going through but I wanted my husband to be healed. I didn't want him to be in constant risk of infection or forced to live with pain.
Due to this horrendous experience, Simms refused to return to the original urologist and was also hesitant to pursue another. Finally he did (it was physically necessary) and plans were made for a second surgery in February 2006 with a minor procedure following a few weeks later. The results lasted for about six months.
At this juncture I must say I was so proud of Simms for protecting his heart spiritually. It would have been easy to just get disgusted and go down the "why me" road; to allow bitterness and anger to eat away at him. I know those questions were asked and uttered - there must have been moments when he questioned God (I know I did) - but the key is that neither of us ever stayed there. Simms didn't allow that to be his focus and yet he was reminded multiple times each and every day that he was not healed.
What happened next? My heart's cry of desperation. I'll elaborate tomorrow.
Campbell Crew
The Campbell Corner was started in 2006. I've journaled for decades but this was the first time that I did it on-line and allowed othe...
3 comments:
Can you email me privately the names of the Urologist because I am seeing one for the kidney stone and I have to see him again 4 weeks after I give birth. I am not to pleased with him and was just wondering if maybe it is one that Simms has been to before.
We are praying for complete healing. I remember the surgeries from small group but never realized they we all because it kept coming back or never really went away.
He is a strong and courageous man and I respect and honor him.
BTW Rocker and Shaggy and Drama King all picked out their own verses for Simms the other day. I thought the Lord had directed them to good ones.
Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles.
"There must have been moments when he questioned God (I know I did) - but the key is that neither of us ever stayed there."
That to me is the key and the struggle. To not stay in the place of doubt and questioning God, but to find joy in your sufferings and to believe in God's wisdom and healing!!
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