As a young girl I was very aware of the fact that I didn't have the designer jeans or the right shoes / sneakers. My hair was always styled but wasn't necessarily the latest and greatest cut. Some people were quite successful at pulling off the Farrah Fawcett look...others not so much. Circumstances caused me to withdraw in sixth grade and I was labeled as shy, a wallflower, even unpopular.
Ninth grade came and I was so happy to go to a new school! New friends. New teachers. New experiences. A fresh clean slate...or canvas. An opportunity to start over.
It was wonderful! I met four girls that I connected with and had a great year. I loved the color they added to my life like paint being added to a canvas! My canvas was so beautiful with glorious shades and patterns. I liked who I was and it felt good.
Sophomore year arrived and with it came a new girl to our class. I befriended her and enjoyed getting to know her. She too added some wonderful color to my canvas. Life was grand.
Then it happened. My four wonderful friends decided that they didn't like the color that the fifth girl was adding to my life / my canvas. The day finally came when they delivered an ultimatum to me. I was ordered to end my friendship with this girl or they would end their friendship with me. I chose to not stop the friendship. They followed through on their threat and I quickly saw my canvas turn bleak. Greys were smeared over the color and black splotches were spattered. It was ugly and painful.
I know now my mom was storming heaven's gates on my behalf. How else could I not slip into depression? Over Christmas break, I told my mom that I was going to fast and pray for three days. I am still amazed that she didn't pester me with questions throughout those three days - wondering if this was merely a cover for the start of an eating disorder??? But she didn't. And I was really praying...I was desperate for peace.
Anyway, at the end of the three days I shared with my mom the truth that God had deposited into my soul:
Ninth grade came and I was so happy to go to a new school! New friends. New teachers. New experiences. A fresh clean slate...or canvas. An opportunity to start over.
It was wonderful! I met four girls that I connected with and had a great year. I loved the color they added to my life like paint being added to a canvas! My canvas was so beautiful with glorious shades and patterns. I liked who I was and it felt good.
Sophomore year arrived and with it came a new girl to our class. I befriended her and enjoyed getting to know her. She too added some wonderful color to my canvas. Life was grand.
Then it happened. My four wonderful friends decided that they didn't like the color that the fifth girl was adding to my life / my canvas. The day finally came when they delivered an ultimatum to me. I was ordered to end my friendship with this girl or they would end their friendship with me. I chose to not stop the friendship. They followed through on their threat and I quickly saw my canvas turn bleak. Greys were smeared over the color and black splotches were spattered. It was ugly and painful.
I know now my mom was storming heaven's gates on my behalf. How else could I not slip into depression? Over Christmas break, I told my mom that I was going to fast and pray for three days. I am still amazed that she didn't pester me with questions throughout those three days - wondering if this was merely a cover for the start of an eating disorder??? But she didn't. And I was really praying...I was desperate for peace.
Anyway, at the end of the three days I shared with my mom the truth that God had deposited into my soul:
It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. The only thing that matters is what HE thinks of me.
I had no idea the priceless treasure I had received at the young age of 15.
I realized that all these years, I was basing my value / my identity on a counterfeit. The canvas I looked at that varied from beautiful to bleak was not a true representation of me. My Creator opened my eyes to the most beautiful canvas - the one that He had painted for me!
Tune in tomorrow for Part III.
1 comment:
This is so good to read/hear again. I was just sharing your story with someone that I was working with last night - I am hoping that she will be able to make it to the next MIA meeting.
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