Teaching Integrity

When I was around 5 or 6 I learned firsthand, the commandment "Thou shalt not steal". My mom went to a Women's Bible Study at a local church. While my sister and I were in the church's childcare I discovered they had a little doll (like a 3" rubber doll...thinking back, it was pretty ugly) like one that I had at home but its' hair color was different. I had never found any others like it before and wished I could have it. I was old enough to know that it wasn't mine and that I shouldn't take it but there was this overriding force (ahem...sin) that made me convince my sister to take it for me (she was the ripe old age of 2). Horrible I know. Now you ALL know that my parents discovered this. God has an amazing way of allowing this to happen! Upon which, I LIED to them about it. Yes, I did. Another really bad choice on my part. They talked to me about the choices I made...I was disciplined...I was forgiven. This obviously made a huge impression on me because to this day I cannot lie nor do I take things that are not mine.

Fast forward 30+ years...

It was Friday. I was going through the house cleaning, purging, reorganizing, etc. All laundry was brought to the basement and I was sorting through and preparing it when I came across a pair of Jeter's jeans...new jeans...ones that he had just worn on Thursday. The pockets were full. Probably tissues. Nope. My heart sank. There in my hands were about 8 figurines that are not his. They are in the shapes of teddy bears and dinosaurs in primary colors. Immediately, I knew that he took these from school...without permission. If the teacher had given them to him, we would have heard about them yesterday.

God, please help me handle this the way you want me to.

NOTE: I have been trying to decide if I was going to relay our conversation or simply summarize it. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I was going to even post about this. But, this IS life and Jeter is human - we all are. If he is going to mature into the man that God has called and created him to be, then there are lessons that he is going to have to learn in life. This is merely one of those lessons and I am proud of him for making it through another milestone. I am also thankful that God helped me through this too. It is because of this that I have chosen to share our conversation.

On the way home from the bus stop...

Mommy: After asking about his day...Jeter, I was cleaning today and doing laundry when I came across a pair of your jeans. I noticed that there was something in the pockets and they were full of little figurines.

Jeter: Oh.

Mommy: So I was wondering where you got them from?

Jeter: I don't remember.

Mommy: Really. Well, I think we can figure this out. It was your new pair of jeans and you wore them yesterday to school...so where do you think they came from?

Jeter: Oh...yeah...I remember now. I found them at school.

Mommy: Found them? Really? Where?

Jeter: I don't remember.

Mommy: Was it at your special? At recess? At lunch? In the classroom?

Jeter: Oh, now I remember. It was in the classroom.

Mommy: Thank you for remembering that. Where in the classroom?

Jeter: I don't remember that Mom. Really. I am telling you all I know.

Mommy: (I am growing more and more impatient!!!) Well, Jeter, that is disappointing because I know you aren't telling me everything. You will either remember and tell me the whole truth or I will find out the truth from your teacher. And as far as the figurines are concerned...if they are your teachers, you will return them to her. If not, they will be thrown out.

Jeter: Okay, Mom, you can throw them out.

Mommy: No, Jeter. I don't think you understood me. I will not throw them out until I find out all the details. I knew that I would not throw them out. I knew that he would be returning them to school. I just wanted him to know that no matter what, he was not going to be keeping them.

We go into the house. Jackets come off. Shoes are put on the tray. We get settled and then I tell him about what I did when I was a little girl. The result is what follows.

Jeter: Mom. I remember it now. They are from the math center at school. I was playing with them on the carpet during my free choice. I just really liked them. I didn't know I was stealing.

Mommy: Thank you for telling me the truth honey. Jeter, you knew that they weren't yours? (He nods). When you take something that isn't yours without permission, it is stealing.

Jeter: Ok Mommy.

We got through this. The whole truth...finally. I read to him in the Bible about stealing. We talked about what stealing leads to and the harm it causes. Now the consequences for his stealing and lying needed to be given. My heart was praying that we would know what to do and how to do it so that it would leave the proper impact on Jeter. So, for the sake of any mom's (or dad's) out there that might go through this with your own precious gems, here is what worked for us.

Stealing: Jeter had to write a note to his teacher apologizing for what he did and asking her to forgive him. This note was sealed in an envelope with the figurines to be returned. I drove him to school on Monday and stood there while he personally apologized to his teacher and asked for forgiveness.

Lying: He had to finish his dinner by 6:30pm. At this time, he got ready for bed and we prayed with him. That was it. No book reading. No snuggle time. Meanwhile his little brother Barber was up and playing until 7:30pm.
You may agree or disagree with our chosen course of action. I am certainly NOT saying that this will work with all children. We believe that discipline is not effective unless the final result is positive change. For example, this would mean nothing to Barber - and his writing would be illegible. But, with Jeter, we were taking away from him things that he cherishes AND he was required to take ownership for the choices he made. The most important part is that he knows that we were taking such action because of how much we LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY and HE IS FORGIVEN. Oh, another thing that was new this time for me...on the way to the school I felt like I was to tell him how proud I was of him. I affirmed him, telling him that it takes boldness and courage to admit when you are wrong and then correct it. Prayerfully, we will not have to walk down this road again. I know there will be other lessons and milestones but I trust that HE will faithfully lead and guide our every step.

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me" Philipians 4:13